just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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