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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize