So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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