so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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