I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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