she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
