He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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