we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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