I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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