Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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