just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
