your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
