cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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