I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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