addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
