Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just high enough for therapy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
