Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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