never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
