his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
