Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
