oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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