Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
