i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
