3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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