When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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