woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
