is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
