ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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