i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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