Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
