Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize