I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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