dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
