this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
