Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
