Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you would pick up someone in the library
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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