Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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