i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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