I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
