Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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