Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
