no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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