my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize