who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
