i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
