ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
