did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A+ Viking dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
