we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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