Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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