I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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