Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
