I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
