the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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