If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
