he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
