im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize