Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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