how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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