your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
