This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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