i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
