Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
