The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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