The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
