I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
