shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
