The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
