I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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