How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
