I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
