well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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