Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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