the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
