Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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