You're completely useless in the revolution.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
