She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
