haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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