Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
