I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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