The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
