All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
