I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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