When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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