Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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