i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
