she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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