Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
