Banned from zoo.
Again?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
