youre lurking in front of me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize