Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
