wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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