Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
