I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
