I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
